Founder and President
of The Etiquette Factory,
a unique 3-phase etiquette learning system designed to change the world, one child at a time.
Is it possible to teach integrity, regardless of our children’s ages? Is it ever too late? What if we, the parents haven’t been the best examples? Can we start today? These are some common questions that I receive when teaching parents and talking to parents about helping our children to be the best that they can be. The short answer… it’s never too late. Start today. When you learn better, you do better and shame on us if we don’t. So how do you teach integrity? Well, you start by living it.
If you look up the word, integrity, in the Merriam-Webster dictionary, it will say this: “firm adherence to a code of especially moral values; an unimpaired condition; the quality or state of being complete or undivided.” In order to stay true to a code of conduct or values, we first have to know what our values and standards are. What do we believe? Why do we believe those things? Children may ask, “Do I believe the same as my parents?” “How do I feel about this or that?” “Do I know where I stand on those issues?”
We begin teaching our children values, as soon as they are born. You see, we do this by how we react to our children. Do we react with love and kindness? Are we consistent with how we react and respond to their needs? How do our children see us react to those outside of the home? Do they witness us showing compassion, honor, and respect to all people, regardless of their values, behavior or beliefs? Or do they watch mom and dad show favorites to certain types of people? Do they watch mom or dad behave one way at home and another way at church? Do they witness mom and dad staying true to what they teach them about being honest, showing respect to others and having compassion and empathy towards all?
In my experience, I have found that children who seem to struggle the most with integrity are children who come from very inconsistent and hypocritical homes where they hear one thing and see another. Children who watch mom and dad bend the truth, exaggerate or leave out details when it serves their interest, but then demands their children to be honest and true in all things, sends very confusing messages to their children which often results in children losing respect for a parent or parents and children learning a very destructive pattern of behavior.
Parents, please, be who you want your children to become. No, of course it doesn’t mean you’re perfect, but it means you are striving to be the best man or woman every day that you can be. As your children watch you stay true to your values in public and in private, they will start to learn the significance of our word and our commitments to principle and morality.
Parents, teach your children by example what it means to have honor, principle and integrity. When we have integrity, we are true to our word. We don’t bend and sway with every wind that comes along, but we hold fast and stand still in our convictions. We don’t apologize for remaining vigilant to our principles. We don’t condemn others, because we are too busy trying to keep ourselves unspotted from the world.
Parents, your children want to make good choices. They want to please you and they want to be happy. What we know is that the more our children stay true to their beliefs, the happier they will be. Do not allow your children to behave in a way that contradicts their beliefs when they are young. When they are older, be their biggest cheerleader as they struggle to make good choices in a world that often teaches them to bend their values, abandon their beliefs and remain flexible to principles.
Love your children by giving them the greatest gift any parent can give their children, which is to stay true to your principles. When you do, you will more likely watch your children stay true to theirs.
Very best,
Monica Irvine
